...((no subject))...

Sometimes i wonder if i am a good enough mommy.. Last night i dropped konnor off with eddie, and he was being the biggest jerk in the world.. he was yelling saying that i was going to cheat on him and that i didn't tell him that i was leaving konnor. blah blah blah. anyways, i am running ((literally)) up the stairs, to minimize the inevitable when i hear it. the crying. then turns to screaming. he is at the bottom of the stairs looking for me, and eddie "konnor come here" in his jerky voice he does. i am watching thru the door ((konnor cant see me - im at top of the stairs outside)) and see konnor running back towards eddie. green means go. i take it as my sign it'll be okay. can't help but feel guilty.

Jenny and i get to La Careta ((her absolute FAVORITE place to eat-mexican)) and we are sitting there, talking and what not, and i hear a baby crying somewhere near. I felt this guilty feeling setting in. then the crying baby, held by mommy, walked by, and jenny and i both started talking about how weird it was for konnor not to be there. He ALWAYS is with us when we go, and always proves to be an adventure. such as throwing rice everywhere ((trying to eat it, of course)) or spilling the water, throwing sugar packets everywhere, and eating forkfulls of salsa and then licking his arm trying to get the hot taste out of his mouth.

Man, that child is something else. i know i say it all the time, but he is weird just like his auntie jenny and his mommy, and i love him soooo much. i tell him i love him to infinity and beyond now. anyways, so after dinner, the guilt subsided, and seeing as it was 8:30ish, i knew he was probably missing mommy but trying to go to sleep. he never does this when im not home. go to bed for the night that is.

the guilt died as we drove, sang, and talked for a while longer. for the sake of not allowing you to fall asleep, i will spare details. lets just say i had a lot of fun last night in the most suttle way. jenny knows what happened and what was talked about, and that's all that matters. it was very calming in a sense and overall extremely enjoyable.

eddie doesnt even remember that he woke up at 1130 to let me in. and seeing as how i was gone before he got up, thinks i stayed somewhere else. what an idiot. that ought to be a fight later. grrr.

last night, when i got home, konnor stopped cuddling with eddie, and laid - right. with. me. hes my littlest rock. one in a milllion. its times like that when i know im a good enough mommy.. and i cant ask for anything more..

loves,

*.::me::.*