mommy's aren't that tough!

So.... Jenny, konnor, and i all ventured out to wal-mart last night for fabric for the cave women costumes (that's what jenny and i are going to be).. We are all tired, its 8 o'clock, and Konnor is probably a little more than fussy. We can handle it though, we always do.

In the fabric department we are looking for the right fabric, and accessories, while Konnor is pushing the cart around. This is one of his favorite things to do. Jenny and i get done with the fabric and are ready to head over to the makeup and Halloween isle, so we pick konnor up and put him in the cart.

bad idea.

He starts crying at the top of his lungs. And you know how kids draw in breath before letting out that horrific scream. Yeah, well the breath went in --- but nothing came out. I looked at him and he is sitting there, like he's trying to scream but like he's holding his breath. Then his lips turn purple. I pick him up and hold him as if he were a little baby. I'm saying his name over and over. It seems like an eternity. His lips are getting more purple, not like i thought that was possible. Then his eyes roll in back of his head, and I'm ready to burst into tears. I shake him a little and continue saying his name. His mouth is still open, mind you. Then he closes his eyes, opens them, and lets out a faint little cry.

I sat him up and talked to him, making sure he could hear me and would respond to me. He seemed a little dazed and drowsy, and just clung to me, still crying. This lasted about 5 minutes before he'd let me put him down. Then he just kinda walked next to me, which is weird for him.

A few minutes later, he was ripped, rearin, and ready to play. So we went to the toy department and played with some toys. We ended the wal-mart trip with tons of fabric, thread, and a balloon for Konnor.

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I'm thinking, and hoping, that this was just a breath-holding spell. Konnor really scared me, a lot, last night. i was very cautious and worried about him the rest of the night. Jenny was freaked out too, and is partially blaming herself, cuz it was her that picked him up before he threw the fit. I tried to tell her it wasn't, and i hope she believes that.

As a mother, you think only the worst when something like this happens. Could it have been a seizure, a stroke, something more??? Thousands of questions, and what ifs go through your mind, and races into the night. You get up to check on your child in the middle of the night, and put your ear close to their little face to make sure they are still breathing. i dunno. i was really on edge all night, and didn't sleep well. i kept dreaming about those horrific moments and they seemed so real!!!

Konnor has a doctor's appointment on Thursday, so i am hoping the doctor will be able to give me some answers. I'm sure he's gonna get shots. :( poor guy.