im NOT happy

Life is not going my way, and i'm sick of it. I want a change. If i don't get a change soon, i may just blog up, freak out, and who knows what else......

Time away from my son is time lost in my mind. I work 40 hours a week to pay my bills and everything to keep us afloat, and drive time takes up an additional 15 hours per week. Where do i have the time, except weekends, to spend with Konnor?? There are 168 in a week, right? Take away the 55 that i am away, which leaves us with 113. 48 hours of that is the weekend (of which i cherish every moment!!), and we are left with 65. Now, you have to realize that we sleep about 9 hours a night x 5 days is 45 hours lost.. That leaves me with 20 hours, which 5 is spent early morning getting ready for work (or sleeping in-and konnor is sleeping) and we are left with a measly 15 hours during the week to play with Konnor and get any errands done. 15 HOURS!!!! that's NOTHING!! That is an average of 3 hours before Konnor goes to bed. Sometimes, depending on my schedule that day, it's an hour more or less. :(

I'm depressed. i want more time with Konnnor. I hate that my psycho grandma watches him all day and that she gets to spend more time with him than his own mother. But i may have a solution. I am making payments on a car that is costing me $285 dollars a month. Now, my work has a way you can work four days a week, 32 hours, and have a day off. According to my calculations, that would result in a $248.32 loss per month.. sooooooo... all i have to do is get of that nasty car payment and buy a cheap-o car, and take up that new schedule, and WHA-LA!!! an extra day with my sweet baby..

The downside...

1. i have to figure out how to get rid of the car
2. the new schedule wouldn't start until january

well, those are the only downsides i can think of. :) i really think this will give me the peace i want. and then, when eddie gets a really good job, i will go to part time (only 20-25 hrs/wk) and then life will be grand!! I figure i have 2 years before Konnor starts preschool, so I have that much time left of him being my FULL-TIME son. And by that I mean spending all day with him.

Another good thing will be with a new hunk-a-junk car my insurance will go down, and more money there :-)

I'll keep you all updated on how my journey with this goes.