save me.......

I know i have said time and time again that i feel as if i am screaming at the top of my lungs in a crowded room, where no one can hear me. I think perhaps now i have degressed to something less in something more. Instead, i feel like i have been thrown into the icy cold atlantic, choking on the below freezing water, gasping for breath. All i am getting in return, however, is water in my lungs, and my body becoming stiff and frozen. I am breaking down from the outside in, or the inside out. i wish i knew, but i dont.

what can save me? who can save me? i dont have that answer. i am not entirely sure there is an answer at this point. all i know is im in too deep with where i am. i am about to hit rock bottom. i have to get out. soon. i dont want to be buried alive.

oh my gosh!! all these analogies. im a living breathing walking analogy. if that doesn't make me want to scream, there is a list of other things.

this blog has gone from talking about my everyday life to talking about how i feel. how has it come to such? i dont know. no i didnt post since wednesday, because i took a couple days off of work. i helped jenny move and we hung out. friday i was probably sincerely sick as my voice didn't want to cooperate when i talked, and i sounded like a 12 year old boy going thru puberty. no joke.

hmmmm.. i wish sleep would overcome me. im tired and worn out. yesterday was suppose to be a day of hanging out with eddie and konnor. it was a day of misery. fuck the world. and those who have turned their backs on me. when i needed them. because they couldnt handle who i had become. look at me now. im becoming stronger. and those who have stuck by my side and those who are joining my battle -- we will conquer this. i promise you. and i will be higher than i have ever been.

after time.