stupid movies

Written: Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

READERS BEWARE:: This post is NOT for the faint of heart.

So... Last night, i believe it was.. No no let me think. Okay, it was Monday night. Yes. I was watching the movie, Elizabethtown. I didn't make it thru the whole movie, but as a side note, i'd like to say what i did see was amazing!

Anyways, so in this movie, the main character's father dies. He has to go to Elizabethtown, where his father was visiting family, i believe, and attend the funeral there and bring his father home. Anyways, there's this scene, where, at the funeral, he has to see his father - lying in the casket.

I lost it. Everything about that movie, that scene, made me cry. It brought things into perspective, and i realized that my mom could anyday have a heart attack and die. Or get into a car accident, and die. Or be in the wrong place at the right time - and die.

Please don't tell me i shouldn't worry about these things, and please don't tell me that it won't happen. Anytime, anyday, i could lose the person that i am the closest to. The woman that birthed me, raised me, and taught me 90% of what i know. The woman i go to in my times of need, and who tells me all about her daily life.

We work in the same place, live at the same house, enjoy the same activities, and listen to the same music. I am a reflection of her, and she looks to me as her oldest daughter, and most prized possession. I love her more than anything in this world (aside from my son). To lose her would be to lose part of my world. She helps to make this world of mine go round.

My head is spinning, and of course, im thinking what if Konno were to pass away. I have only read stories of those who have lost their children. It is the worst pain to bear, i have heard. You bring someone into the world, you shouldn't have to watch as they leave this world.

Or what if jenny? She is my best friend, and losing her would be like losing part of my soul. she is more than a best friend, in fact, more of a sister. We have so many memories, so many laughs, cries, heartfelt talks, fights, everything. I wouldn't trade those for anything, and i wouldn't trade her for anything.

I would be devistated to watch any of these people be buried, much less see them lying lifeless in a casket. I shudder at the thought, and if i had the capability to dream right now, would probably have nightmares about it. It a horrible thing to think about, but at any time it could happen.

That makes me sad. Angry. Depressed.

I think im probably just those things b/cuz of other things going on in my life. All i know is that i don't want to grow old, and i dont want those i love to grow old either. I couldn't imagine life without them.

Ok, enough of this.